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Tears Cried by *DeadlySilent:iconDeadlySilent:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Fixed


Tell me, should individuals of all ages
suffer from what some consider sins?
Should it not affect each persons heart  
from the time it diagnoses begins?

People don't listen to their heart
Ignoring the the universal plight
"I can't get it, I'm not that type,
or how can I help in the fight?"

Daily statistics are being published,
of the AIDS pandemic each year.
Victims dying alone, with none
of mankind showing they care.

Sadly if the HIV/AIDS afflicted,
were buried side by side, the globe
would be encircled twice over, with
heartless uncaring of tears cried
and those who have died
©2009 *DeadlySilent
:icondeadlysilent:

Author's Comments

Constantly amazes me and breakd my heart of individuals being heartless when it comes to such a pandemic, the statics or even caring about how they can help in the fight to end this.


I know it is now flowing differently, with an extra line at the end, but I felt the change was needed.

Critiques


:icontheaspeninthewillows:
*TheAspenintheWillows Nov 4, 2009, 11:31:40 PM
First of all, there is a great message in this. People SHOULD take a stand and people SHOULD fight. However, should is the sad reality and not DO.

I liked this piece. The only advice I would offer is read it out loud and read it slowly. I would break a line where my natural, flowing pause it.

Example: Should it not affect each person's heart (line break)
From the time it begins?

In my mind this flows a little better.

Also, add your punctuation. Poetry needs comma's and question marks too. :)

I have to say I am not a poet, but these are my impressions on improvement.

Great piece, and thanks for sharing.

C. Aspen
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.
0 Replies

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:iconmoyashi-chan:
~Moyashi-chan Nov 6, 2009, 3:17:27 PM
:hug: wish I could give you a great big hug in real life though

--
There are times when the darkness engulfs me and I see no hope...no light. Then I am alone until someone eventually shows up.
:iconcherybery:
*cherybery Nov 6, 2009, 3:38:39 PM
I'm glad to see something written about this. You do not see AIDS/HIV awareness in written form often. Nice job
:icondeadlysilent:
*DeadlySilent Nov 6, 2009, 4:06:02 PM
Thank you so much for the fav and the comment. There is a contest currently being held by [link] for HIV/AIDS awareness. I'm not doing it for the contest so much as the fact, I have two brother's who have this horrid disease and a brother in law who passed away from it.

--
Lynnette Murry AKA DeadlySilent
:icondeadlysilent:
*DeadlySilent Nov 6, 2009, 4:06:34 PM
Thank you so much for the fav. The hug in any form is appreciated.

--
Lynnette Murry AKA DeadlySilent
:iconmoyashi-chan:
~Moyashi-chan Nov 6, 2009, 4:07:52 PM
No problem.

Then accept my hug :tighthug:

--
There are times when the darkness engulfs me and I see no hope...no light. Then I am alone until someone eventually shows up.
:icondeadlysilent:
*DeadlySilent Nov 6, 2009, 4:09:14 PM
Hug accepted.

--
Lynnette Murry AKA DeadlySilent
:iconmoyashi-chan:
~Moyashi-chan Nov 6, 2009, 4:33:41 PM
=)

--
There are times when the darkness engulfs me and I see no hope...no light. Then I am alone until someone eventually shows up.
:iconcherybery:
*cherybery Nov 6, 2009, 6:31:19 PM
It has so much personal meaning for you. I think it is great you shared this
:icondeadlysilent:
*DeadlySilent Nov 6, 2009, 9:53:46 PM
I can't write anything having to do with HIV/AIDS without crying. I will do anything I can, until my last breath is drawn, to help find a cure for an end to this killer.

--
Lynnette Murry AKA DeadlySilent
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group avatar #ItDoesNotHaveMe
Disease does not own me.

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